How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
