the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
