people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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