I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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