That's when you crack a 10am beer
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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