why im i the only drunk person in the library?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
