He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
