If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
