Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
