The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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