An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
