So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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