Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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