Midget sex pt 2 tonight
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
