Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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