I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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