If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
