READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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