I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
