i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
