You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
