remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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