it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
