So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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