you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
