Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Soap is not a condiment
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
