who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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