i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
