i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
