If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
