Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Do vagina's smell?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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