I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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