Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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