I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
