We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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