im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
