i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just pee around me
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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