One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
