If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
