i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
