We're like a lot better than the average bears
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
