pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
