wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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