At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
