I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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