We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
