There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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