the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
