She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
