You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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