last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
