remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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